Who is Lux?

Jan. 2nd, 2020 06:00 pm
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[personal profile] luxquintessence

Who am I?

Certainly not an artist. The fates have given me a tremendous amount of talent, but none of it artistic in nature. I cannot draw, or write fiction although I adore and appreciate both. My creative outlet for my fandom is crafting video. It is more curation than creation.  

Most of my videos are Yaoi, which is the celebration of men in love with other men. If this is something you are not comfortable with, my work will likely not appeal to you.

Here is "who I am" as interpreted using my first name from this website I also bolded things that were especially true.

Who is she?
She has a complex and ambiguous personality due to the two antagonistic tendencies that are constantly competing for attention: the more *male* side of her nature (1), lively, headstrong, bossy, independent and somewhat self-centred: she wants to be the best at everything, and tends to think the world revolves around her... Then there is her more *feminine*side (2), timid, passive and dependent, indecisive at times, as well as emotional, attentive and altruistic, stepping aside to allow others to enjoy the limelight... This strange combination of characteristics could make her seem as moody as the moon: enthusiastic and self-assured one moment; passive and defeatist the next. In fact, this is due to her extreme receptivity and emotional sensitivity, and could be more pronounced if her last name doesn´t contain one of the following letters: B, K, T or L. The influence of the 1 will naturally be predominant if she was born on the 1st, 10th, 19th or 28th of the month, or in January; likewise the 2 will prevail if she was born on the 2nd, 20th or 29th of the month, in February or November. It will almost certainly be during childhood that she experiences such ambivalences, torn between her desire for glory (to be the first or the best) and the need for protection and security, especially as her active number vibrates predominantly at the frequency of 2 (inferiority and passivity). On reaching maturity, she could live in harmony with the frequency of 11, which is a master number and requires her to assume responsibility for others. Such inner-conflict can result in irritability, temper tantrums and misplaced touchiness and huffiness.Parents must therefore provide constant stimulation and encouragement by showing an interest in her life, especially in her school work, otherwise she could be tempted to indulge in a certain nonchalance, thinking no-one is interested in her. It would be desirable for her to have siblings, and she could be an excellent teacher, proud of her role of big sister and of the respect that she inspires in her cadets. She has got bags of character, and will advance slowly, but very surely in life, with the right support. The smallest failure or frustration is liable to affect her more or less deeply and could provoke heartburn or even nervous disorders.
What does she like?
She enjoys the role of leader and setting an example, and it is often through humanitarian or activist movements that she will fully express herself, perhaps because she has such a profound understanding of friendship... She is more than happy to lend a sympathetic, attentive ear and to be the person that others come to for advice and comfort. In stark contrast, she is extremely secretive where her own emotions are concerned, and this could easily be misinterpreted as indifference. She is likely to have difficulty settling for the role of a mother only, because she has great ambition and is only truly happy when she is fulfilled intellectually and socially. Highly inquisitive and curious, she has a thirst for knowledge, enjoys learning and is often self-taught. She can be bossy, uncompromising and domineering in a relationship and won´t miss an opportunity to question the suitability of her beloved if he doesn´t behave as she desires and her criticism can be brutal.

Why Lux Loves Slash

Originally written for [livejournal.com profile] nochick_fics post on "Why Do We Slash?" 

I've read quite a few sociological articles on this subject, which propose that yaoi is attractive to women because two men in a relationship will have gender equality that is lacking in het relationships... blah blah blah

As it relates to my own fascination with men in love with other men, I don't believe a word of it*-- YMMV 

I stumbled upon yaoi a few years back and it really helped me escape from a very stressful time in my life. I never had any confusion of shame with it that many experience. Maybe it is because I rationalized it with science, maybe it is because one of the first times in my life I was sexually aroused.** 

Why do I slash? Well, I think that for me it comes down to these reasons, in no specific order:

+ It's beautiful***
I primarily work in film, so this point may not be as applicable for writers. The male form is classically pleasing. Cheaper than a trip to Florence, and there precisely zero loud-speaking chain smokers cued up in my living room.

+ It's an escape from my own daily life. 
Some people like period fiction, some prefer vampires, some people like fiction set in exotic lands. I like fiction with alchemy & boys who want to kiss each other. To each their own. 

+ The feelings and motivations make more sense to me.
I live in a world that is primarily male. The majority of my friends (gay and straight) are men. Since birth, I have always been more comfortable around men, and my interests (Math, Physics) have always been ones that are traditionally considered to be more popular with men. Ironic thing is, Yaoi is one of the few female-centric hobbies I have. 

+ It examines relationship aspects and conflicts that are not currently over-explored.
Similarly, at the time of publication, DH Lawrence's books were racy, but also explored the emotional anguish**** following the great war. I think this also is why some het paired fiction succeeds or fails with me. 

+ I think it's hot. 

* Of course, I've had the benefit growing up and living in a sheltered world where things like gender, sexual preference, and race don't determine how you treat one another. If I step out of this bubble, I'm sure things are quite different.

** This is probably bordering on TMI in someone else's journal, even yours. If you are morbidly interested in my screwed up libido, read this: http://luxquintessence.livejournal.com/9235.html

*** Technically, I think all couples in love are beautiful. However, healthy, lightly muscular male nudes are biologically hard-wired in my brain for aesthetically adoration. 

**** Soldiers that would have succumbed to wounds in the past, were "saved" (but maimed) and then had to figure out how to re-establish a relationship with their spouse.

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